My husband walked away before surgery… I made a joke to a stranger that shocked the entire room.

Chapter 1: The Weight of Late November

The city bus shuddered over a jagged pothole, and I instinctively tightened my grip on the canvas bag resting on my knees. It was a reflex, a frantic attempt to protect something fragile, though in reality, I was carrying almost nothing of value. A spare change of cotton underwear, a toothbrush, a paperback book I knew I wouldn’t have the focus to open, and a small mesh bag of Granny Smith apples. The nurse had told me fruit was permissible. It seemed a ridiculous offering to bring to a threshold—the threshold of surgery, of anesthesia, of the very real possibility that I might never draw another breath.